Many years ago, I used to study some kind of social psychology. In my textbook, there was a very simple abstraction about analyzing the different ways of parenting. Simple abstractions, when applied outside the domain of classical Newtonian physics, usually don't get us closer to understanding the whole truth, but this one might be useful to understand Germany.
So there are four distinct types of parenting: Warm-Permissive, Warm-Restrictive, Cold-Permissive and Cold-Restrictive. We might just as well imagine that as a two-dimensional Cartesian system, with warm being X and permissive being Y.
The warm-permissive parent gives lots of love and tenderness to his children, but he doesn't pay attention to the conditioning. He raises the children to become good-natured, outgoing and optimistic personalities instead of hard, prudent and law-abiding workers. Of course they might be both at the same time, but the focus is always on 'good person' instead of 'good worker'. This is the American model.
The warm-restrictive parent also gives love and tenderness to his children, and he pays a lot of attention to the conditioning - which means he is over-protective and over-assertive. Always be on time, do your homework, take your vitamins, don't speak with strangers, don't spend too much time in the water, et cetera. He keeps setting dozens of rules, but he tries to motivate them with rewards instead of punishments. After all, he really loves his children and he wants them to love him as well. This is the German model.
The cold-permissive parent doesn't give much love to his children and he doesn't pay any attention to the conditioning. He doesn't even tell them what to do, he just lets them grow like plants. First problem is the fact that he was raised in the same way, so he doesn't know much about the alternatives. Second problem is that after 14 hours of hard and punishing physical work, he's just not in the fuckin' mood to spend time with his children. This is the Third World model.
The cold-restrictive parent doesn't give any love to his children, but nevertheless he pays attention to the conditioning - with force and punishments, of course. Just like the rulers of his nation, he finds the best way to deal with his "subordinates" is intimidation and strong discipline. His motto: As long as you live in this house, you do what I say! This is the Eastern model. Russia, Prussia, China, whatever.
So I already gave you the clue. Germans are the most typical warm-restrictive parents. You can tell this after watching half an hour of German TV. If you have the misfortune to reach the commercial block, you will most certainly find out that hygiene products are always marketed with children. No matter if it's detergent, toilet gel, dish soap or limescale solvent, there will always be some totally cute and lively children playing around, and a mother patiently recognizing the problem caused by the little bastards. But there's absolutely no reason to be angry, since there is this new product from Henkel!
Well, this might have been a bad example, since hygiene products are marketed with children all over the world, even in Brazil... But still, it's the German population which really gets the message. They are the principal target group, I might say.
This is why German people are always on time, and they always play by the rules, even if there's no one to whatch over them. You don't see any jaywalking and fare dodging in Germany. Not even at night. On the Regional Express, for example, I was the only one to sit down in the first class. Of course I didn't have the proper ticket and that was quite visible from my clothing and my stuff, but there was no more seat on the second class, and the first was totally empty. Still the Germans didn't even think about bending the rules. They just walked along without even taking notice of me.
And this is also the reason why people always find Germans cold and heartless. But they're not actually cold and heartless. In fact, they are friendly and good-natured people. They are just totally afraid of strangers. And bending the rules. That's why they always form their small cliques, keeping contact with the outside world down to the necessary minimum. Germans, if their parents were not some kind of liberal-minded progressive hippies, they chat and flirt with strangers only when they're drunk.
So there are four distinct types of parenting: Warm-Permissive, Warm-Restrictive, Cold-Permissive and Cold-Restrictive. We might just as well imagine that as a two-dimensional Cartesian system, with warm being X and permissive being Y.
The warm-permissive parent gives lots of love and tenderness to his children, but he doesn't pay attention to the conditioning. He raises the children to become good-natured, outgoing and optimistic personalities instead of hard, prudent and law-abiding workers. Of course they might be both at the same time, but the focus is always on 'good person' instead of 'good worker'. This is the American model.
The warm-restrictive parent also gives love and tenderness to his children, and he pays a lot of attention to the conditioning - which means he is over-protective and over-assertive. Always be on time, do your homework, take your vitamins, don't speak with strangers, don't spend too much time in the water, et cetera. He keeps setting dozens of rules, but he tries to motivate them with rewards instead of punishments. After all, he really loves his children and he wants them to love him as well. This is the German model.
The cold-permissive parent doesn't give much love to his children and he doesn't pay any attention to the conditioning. He doesn't even tell them what to do, he just lets them grow like plants. First problem is the fact that he was raised in the same way, so he doesn't know much about the alternatives. Second problem is that after 14 hours of hard and punishing physical work, he's just not in the fuckin' mood to spend time with his children. This is the Third World model.
The cold-restrictive parent doesn't give any love to his children, but nevertheless he pays attention to the conditioning - with force and punishments, of course. Just like the rulers of his nation, he finds the best way to deal with his "subordinates" is intimidation and strong discipline. His motto: As long as you live in this house, you do what I say! This is the Eastern model. Russia, Prussia, China, whatever.
So I already gave you the clue. Germans are the most typical warm-restrictive parents. You can tell this after watching half an hour of German TV. If you have the misfortune to reach the commercial block, you will most certainly find out that hygiene products are always marketed with children. No matter if it's detergent, toilet gel, dish soap or limescale solvent, there will always be some totally cute and lively children playing around, and a mother patiently recognizing the problem caused by the little bastards. But there's absolutely no reason to be angry, since there is this new product from Henkel!
Well, this might have been a bad example, since hygiene products are marketed with children all over the world, even in Brazil... But still, it's the German population which really gets the message. They are the principal target group, I might say.
This is why German people are always on time, and they always play by the rules, even if there's no one to whatch over them. You don't see any jaywalking and fare dodging in Germany. Not even at night. On the Regional Express, for example, I was the only one to sit down in the first class. Of course I didn't have the proper ticket and that was quite visible from my clothing and my stuff, but there was no more seat on the second class, and the first was totally empty. Still the Germans didn't even think about bending the rules. They just walked along without even taking notice of me.
And this is also the reason why people always find Germans cold and heartless. But they're not actually cold and heartless. In fact, they are friendly and good-natured people. They are just totally afraid of strangers. And bending the rules. That's why they always form their small cliques, keeping contact with the outside world down to the necessary minimum. Germans, if their parents were not some kind of liberal-minded progressive hippies, they chat and flirt with strangers only when they're drunk.
No comments:
Post a Comment