As you may already know, yesterday was a national holiday in Hungary. You probably know it because of Google. We used to live under the Austrian empire and we didn't like it, so we made this revolution stuff in 1848. That was the year of European revolutions - the heyday of liberal nationalism - and the people of Hungary were eager to jump on the bandwagon. You know the old cliché of our freedom-loving character which makes us think that we are the greatest and coolest freedom fighters in the world. It is based on two Hungarian revolutions, and one of them is 1848.
It started out very fine: the emperor's armies were all banished from Hungarian soil, the Habsburg dynasty was officially dethroned, and a republican interim government was set up to lead the nation towards independence and liberty. Other ethnic groups (and some Hungarians) were unenthusiastic about the story, but they were more or less ignored. Everything went just fine until the Russian czar agreed to send troops into the region. In those days, Russia was part of the "Holy Alliance": an arch-reactionary clique of European tyrants and their bootlickers determined to repress all kinds of revolutionary activity on their subject territories. It was the Europe known from the congress of Vienna: narrow-minded, short-sighted, senseless, cynical and hypocritical. Hungary was unable to escape this Europe. A happy story with a bitter ending...
Well, not so bitter after all! After years of uneasiness and passive resistance, the Austrians agreed on a very benign compromise which lifted Hungary to the status of an equal partner in their imperialistic project - a very good scheme at least for Hungary. The empire had two capitals, two governments and two parliaments, while federal affairs were handled by three elected bureaus. It was called the Age of Dualism, and it is almost universally remembered with a longing nostalgia as one of the best parts of our history, if not even the very best. As reactionary as the empire officially was, its political and cultural landscape was much more progressive than that of Hungary today.
So what about the Hungary of today?
The Hungary of today is ruled by a small group of paranoid and pathologically narcissistic right-wing chaps with a self-confidence that would make the greatest cult leaders shy away from the field. Some of them are a little bit eccentric, but most of them are truly handsome! Most fortunately for them, their party has a two-thirds majority in the House allowing them to pass any kind of law they might fancy in their wet dreams. They can do whatever they want with their little dominion called Hungary. And they want a lot...
As you may well know, we had elections in 2010, and the right wing won big. The government back then was inefficient and corrupt, they made big spending cuts because of gross fiscal inbalance, and then came the crisis with even more cuts, so the people were angry. Every third Hungarian adult voted for the right. With the election system as bad as it is, this one third was transformed into two thirds. Earlier that year, the sly and charismatic chairman Viktor Orban already made it clear that his aim is to "win once and win big", and "the bigger the results, the bigger the change will be".
This bigger change was heralded by the kind of grandeur we wouldn't have imagined in our most paranoid fantasies. After their epic landslide in april, the new government proclaimed that this election was nothing short of a revolution. It was fought by the people of Hungary in the voting booths instead of the battlefield, but it was none the less significant. So now we have three such events in our great history. As it usually happens after a successful revolution, the ancien régime of corruption, agony and sorrow was replaced by something completely new. They didn't hesitate for a second to give this something a fancy new name to epitomize its greatness: it was baptized as the System of National Co-operation. That's what we've got here in Hungary, just in case you missed it! (Or simply called it "dictatorship" on your own will... You'd better watch your mouth next time, foolhardy!)
The name comes from a short but none the less grandiose manifesto pinned up on the walls of every public building throughout the country. It says the country has lost its freedom and sovereignty in 1945 (it doesn't go into details about our freedom and sovereignty before that time), which was not regained in 1989, since the dictatorship was followed by 20 years of "disorder and turbulence". So it was only now in 2010 that the people have finally fought and won their true revolution, regaining their self-determination and self-confidence. The government does nothing more than humbly acknowledge this revolution (our third one) and fulfill the people's desire to end this turbulent and chaotic mess which you in the West usually call democracy.
Of course the new system is also democratic, since it was chosen by the people, but it's much better than yours! Alas, we're just so much smarter! You will do your best to imitate this great system when you finally see how cool it is. (I'm not exaggerating, the government actually believes this. Now you might see why I said "narcissistic".)
So what about the Hungary of today?
The Hungary of today is ruled by a small group of paranoid and pathologically narcissistic right-wing chaps with a self-confidence that would make the greatest cult leaders shy away from the field. Some of them are a little bit eccentric, but most of them are truly handsome! Most fortunately for them, their party has a two-thirds majority in the House allowing them to pass any kind of law they might fancy in their wet dreams. They can do whatever they want with their little dominion called Hungary. And they want a lot...
As you may well know, we had elections in 2010, and the right wing won big. The government back then was inefficient and corrupt, they made big spending cuts because of gross fiscal inbalance, and then came the crisis with even more cuts, so the people were angry. Every third Hungarian adult voted for the right. With the election system as bad as it is, this one third was transformed into two thirds. Earlier that year, the sly and charismatic chairman Viktor Orban already made it clear that his aim is to "win once and win big", and "the bigger the results, the bigger the change will be".
This bigger change was heralded by the kind of grandeur we wouldn't have imagined in our most paranoid fantasies. After their epic landslide in april, the new government proclaimed that this election was nothing short of a revolution. It was fought by the people of Hungary in the voting booths instead of the battlefield, but it was none the less significant. So now we have three such events in our great history. As it usually happens after a successful revolution, the ancien régime of corruption, agony and sorrow was replaced by something completely new. They didn't hesitate for a second to give this something a fancy new name to epitomize its greatness: it was baptized as the System of National Co-operation. That's what we've got here in Hungary, just in case you missed it! (Or simply called it "dictatorship" on your own will... You'd better watch your mouth next time, foolhardy!)
The name comes from a short but none the less grandiose manifesto pinned up on the walls of every public building throughout the country. It says the country has lost its freedom and sovereignty in 1945 (it doesn't go into details about our freedom and sovereignty before that time), which was not regained in 1989, since the dictatorship was followed by 20 years of "disorder and turbulence". So it was only now in 2010 that the people have finally fought and won their true revolution, regaining their self-determination and self-confidence. The government does nothing more than humbly acknowledge this revolution (our third one) and fulfill the people's desire to end this turbulent and chaotic mess which you in the West usually call democracy.
Of course the new system is also democratic, since it was chosen by the people, but it's much better than yours! Alas, we're just so much smarter! You will do your best to imitate this great system when you finally see how cool it is. (I'm not exaggerating, the government actually believes this. Now you might see why I said "narcissistic".)
In this great new system there's truly nothing to worry about. For example, there's no law abolishing parties! It will just become really hard for them to gain seats in the future. In the name of stability, of course! There are so many crazy parties in Europe, and we don't want that.
There's no law introducing censorship! It just requires press outlets to produce "fair and balanced" content. Is that such a big deal? We all want to read and watch fair and balanced stuff, aren't we? The meaning of these two words is not at all specified, but the new National Media Council is always there to tell you on a case-by-case basis. Of course you have to pay around €150000 if you are deemed "unfair", so it's better not to risk it...
There's no law abolishing courts! Of course the leader of the supreme court - from now on deciding a great deal of stuff - just happens to be the wife of a prominent party leader, but come on! He must be a really smart girl! Don't be malicious!
Even our constitution tells us that we are a republic! Although it also tells us that income tax must be a flat 16% and judges must retire at 62, but these are truly basic constitutional affairs, you know! Our new constitution called the "Basic Law of Hungary" is so cool that any change to its content will have to be approved by two successive parliaments!
So it will also be approved by two successive parliaments, you might ask? Or there can be at least a referendum, if after all the government is so much beloved by its people? Well, err... No. Hell, there's no need for a referendum if the government is already loved by its people! Use your brain! Referendums are for losers!
These are the more or less factual reasons a government cheerleader might tell you why you should love his employer:
1. The opposition is in complete disarray. There's no vision, no strategy and no common goals. There are three different parties in the House and they all hate one another so much that they would rather wait for Hungary to declare World War 3 than to form a grand coalition. And if they would by any chance make up their minds and do it, that might just make things even worse. (Wether this is true or not depends on the meaning and context of such a coalition.)
2. The opposition sucks. The socialists are the relics of a stalinist dictatorship (actually they are), the Jobbik are nazis (actually they are), and the greens cannot be taken seriously (sometimes they are weird at best). There is a large extra-parliamentary opposition full of NGO's and other stuff, but they must be some off-beat extremist weirdos as well. (Actually they are not...)
3. It's good to love Viktor Orban because Viktor Orban loves you back! Especially if your salary is funded by the government. You don't bite the hand that feeds you, man! It's great to have a government job! It is especially great after considering the fact that there are less and less jobs for more and more people outside. If you have an unfailing devotion and a charming smile, you can even get high up on the ladder. And that's where the real party begins: lots of money and benefits for which you never have to work particularly hard! You just have to be yourself! (But not too yourself...)
4. If you don't have a government job and you don't care about the opposition either, you might love Mr Orban because it's just good to love a man with such a gigantic charisma. Remember the old times when this man promised you everything and you loved him so much? Wasn't it great? Now that your dreams have finally come true, you really don't want to spoil it by listening to those insidious whispers of left-wing propaganda! You've waited for so long, you deserve to be happy! Now there are a few things which suck, and you might have thought that paradise will come down without any effort being taken on your side, but these bad things are happening only because the left wing is so evil and the rest of the world hates Hungary so much. But you can't just give up on your dreams! You have to endure until the very end, like a little mormon. Just trust your government and everything will be fine!
1. The opposition is in complete disarray. There's no vision, no strategy and no common goals. There are three different parties in the House and they all hate one another so much that they would rather wait for Hungary to declare World War 3 than to form a grand coalition. And if they would by any chance make up their minds and do it, that might just make things even worse. (Wether this is true or not depends on the meaning and context of such a coalition.)
2. The opposition sucks. The socialists are the relics of a stalinist dictatorship (actually they are), the Jobbik are nazis (actually they are), and the greens cannot be taken seriously (sometimes they are weird at best). There is a large extra-parliamentary opposition full of NGO's and other stuff, but they must be some off-beat extremist weirdos as well. (Actually they are not...)
3. It's good to love Viktor Orban because Viktor Orban loves you back! Especially if your salary is funded by the government. You don't bite the hand that feeds you, man! It's great to have a government job! It is especially great after considering the fact that there are less and less jobs for more and more people outside. If you have an unfailing devotion and a charming smile, you can even get high up on the ladder. And that's where the real party begins: lots of money and benefits for which you never have to work particularly hard! You just have to be yourself! (But not too yourself...)
4. If you don't have a government job and you don't care about the opposition either, you might love Mr Orban because it's just good to love a man with such a gigantic charisma. Remember the old times when this man promised you everything and you loved him so much? Wasn't it great? Now that your dreams have finally come true, you really don't want to spoil it by listening to those insidious whispers of left-wing propaganda! You've waited for so long, you deserve to be happy! Now there are a few things which suck, and you might have thought that paradise will come down without any effort being taken on your side, but these bad things are happening only because the left wing is so evil and the rest of the world hates Hungary so much. But you can't just give up on your dreams! You have to endure until the very end, like a little mormon. Just trust your government and everything will be fine!
This revolution is the direct spiritual descendant of that revolution, because we are fighting for our independence just like them, no matter if the overlords are wearing military uniforms or elegant suits. This is what he said yesterday before a crowd of a hundred thousand people. You see, we still love our government! At least 10% of the people were brought here from Poland, and sometimes you could see more polish flags than Hungarian tricolors, but they sure as hell loved our government too!
He also said that we won't be the EU's colony. He loves the EU, but the EU doesn't love him back. It's so sad! And it's tricky, because he has no choice but to do things for the EU and the IMF. The country has lots of debt, and we don't seem very able to pay it back. These heartless bureaucrats don't give a damn about our brave unorthodox solutions. Like I said, it's very tricky. But hey! Our government is full of smart people to do the trick!
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