Let's say you have a good old-fashioned father. It's sunday afternoon, you have to visit grandma. The father - old-fashioned, totalitarian father - will tell you: "Listen! I don't care how you feel" - if you are a small kid, of course - "You have to go to grandma and behave there properly." That's good. You can resist, nothing is broken.
But let's say you have this so-called "tolerant post-modern" father! What he will tell you is the following: "You know how much your grandmother loves you, but nonetheless, you should only visit her if you really want to."
Now every child who is not an idiot - and they are not idiots! - knows that this apparent free choice secretly contains an even stronger order. You not only have to visit grandma, but you also have to like it.
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