Nobody steals our chicks and lives

I just found a fabulous website pimping Hungarian women in the very graceful fashion of all those lovely dating sites supposed to send you a Chinese/Ukrainian lover by priority mail. It's genuinely funny because the whole thing reads like a vintage issue of Playboy from the 70's, when Hungary was indeed a popular source of pretty young brides for Italians and Germans. Those were the days when we didn't laugh our asses off reading such inane descriptions of our society like this one. It lists the benefits of our famously pretty girls in such a prudently straightforward way that it makes you feel like reading a user's manual for a new TV set. Too bad that the stuff has absolutely nothing to do with Hungarian reality...

Okay, let’s just stick to this wonderful style and go step by step:

1.) As of 2010, the Hungarian divorce rate is 67%, which is the third highest in the world. Only Belgium and Portugal have higher rates.

2.) We do have a feminist movement. Sure as hell it’s very weak and this correlates with the fact that women are not at all respected by men, but quite a lot of women tend to respect themselves nevertheless. The issue of domestic violence comes up regularly in national politics, and so does the gaping disparity of salaries between men and women. There are demonstrations and all kinds of other activities organized by feminist NGO’s on a regular basis.

3.) Hungarian women might have been “raised to be excellent and loyal mothers” back in the 60′s, but not today. Of course many people are longing for the past with its “Italian-style loyalty” or whatever, but these are just romantic idealizations in our fantasies. These fairytales have nothing to do with day-to-day life. Hungarian people tend to worship the virtues of marriage until they get married. Loneliness is on the scale of an epidemic in our society.

4.) The rates of lifestyle-related health problems like obesity and heart conditions are much higher than they are in Germany or the more affluent parts of the United States. I used to live in Baden-Württenberg - the most prudish and socially conservative part of Germany - and I can safely say that our chicks are no more “feminine” than their chicks. Indeed our chicks look better, but that's because of our genetics and not the culture.

5.) Our popular culture is one of the most decadent and nihilistic cultures in the world. This was not the case during the reign of those super evil commies in the cold war, but it is today. Hungarian people care far more about money and wealth than the people of Western Europe.

6.) Sure as hell we are less prudish than Americans, but much more so than the people of all those “feminism-infested” nations like Sweden or France. It is true that our women are required to dress like hookers, but this is even more true in Ukraine and Russia. Contrary to what you might expect after looking at their clothes, Hungarian women can be very stiff and narrow-minded and hypocritical.

7.) Boy, you're in for a culture shock! You might love us for our glorious revolutions or whatever, but we sure as hell don't love you back. We hate you! Of course not in such a fervently religious way as the people of North Korea and the Middle East, but still we tend to see you for what you are: retarded morons infatuated with childish arrogance, not knowing a tiniest bit about the world or even your own country. Our benevolence towards you is always condescending and full of expectations for a generous reward. Yes, that also means we have poor and stupid women who dream about marrying a rich idiot like you, but be prepared for a fistfight with the dudes around them.

[Note: I take the liberty to assume that men looking for "loyal and excellent wives" through international marriage agencies conform to the most negative stereotypes about their respective ethnic groups.]

8.) Hungarians tend to be quite irreligious indeed, but also quite intolerant and misinformed. If you’re not a Catholic or a mainline Protestant, you will be treated with a great deal of suspicion. For example, 99% of the population firmly believes that Mormons still practice poligamy.

9.) Having been completely disillusioned with neoliberal capitalism, we are the kind of people you would most likely call "socialist" and "collectivist". Sure we don’t like paying taxes, but still we expect the government to do all kinds of things for us and we tend to hate the rich. I might also note that the GDP of Budapest and its surroundings is higher than the EU average and the Gini coefficient of our income distribution is much lower than that of the US.

Section 2:

1.) True

2.) True

3.) Mostly true

4.) Unless you’re an autistic savant, chances are that you will never learn Hungarian.

5.) She wouldn't necessarily insist on talking to her children in that language. Many distraught and depressed Hungarians are starting to bitterly hate the country they live in, which means they would do their best to keep their children as far away from this culture as possible.

6.) True. I must note, however, that higher education is suffering from very drastic budget cuts as we speak. Many Hungarian universities are only months away from insolvency.

7.) Utter bullshit. Come on, we’re not living in the 40′s! We like buying things on credit as much as you do. If we would try to “save up” for our homes, we would have to live with our parents for our whole miserable lives. Household debt is an extremely severe problem of our economy.

8.) You don’t stand a chance with an educated Hungarian woman. Educated Hungarian women want educated European men, not some stupid conservative gringo like you. See point 7 of the first section above.

9.) I don’t know. This is kind of irrelevant.

10.) Hungarians have a rather poor sense of humour, but most probably it's still better than yours. It won't be a problem.

One more thing! I found a paragraph in another article which is so deeply insulting that I strongly recommend you not to heed the advice. Here it goes:

“If you’re from America or Western Europe, you have a huge leg up on the native men. Many Hungarian women think of them as monkeys who somehow learned to put on pants and developed a taste for liquor. They dream of meeting a western man who will treat them like an equal and not spend his days at the steel mill and his evenings getting hammered, while expecting her to dedicate the rest of her life to boiling potatoes and darning socks."

Unless you really want to get beaten up and see all the chicks side with your attackers, you'd better forget this image of our country as soon as possible. Come on! We're not a third world country, for God's sake! Contrary to your imbecile expectations, we are a very modern society with smartphones, shopping malls and syndicated cable channels everywhere. Like I said, the GDP of Budapest is well above the EU average. If you find a woman willing to date with you just because you're from the West, that woman is most certainly a primitive and selfish slut who might also be mentally deranged. Better safe than sorry!

By the way, we only have two steel mills with miserable production records. Both are laying people off as we speak. As of 2010, almost 65% of the workforce is employed in the service sector. Industry is also pretty much dominated by hi-tech.

More info: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Economy_of_Hungary