Turanism for dummies

I've just been kicked from a Facebook group called "Turkish-Hungarian friendship" because I honestly thought this ethnic shit can be done without Nazis on board, but it looks like I was wrong. I must note that Turanism is indeed not supported by the mainstream scientific community and genetic studies show our present-day population is mostly Slavic and Germanic and Persian. Nonetheless we used to have the same religion before Christianity and the invading Magyar tribes were basically Turkish. I often think that we [socialists] must try to co-opt all this historical bullshit as long as we [humans] cannot exterminate it for good, but I always get totally disappointed by the activity of Nazis.

Then again, what did I expect? Any casual observer would very casually remind me how all this etchnic bullshit is rapidly disappearing as we speak, and casually ask what made me think otherwise? Even Nazis themselves seem to care ever less about their roots as the immediate problems of the day seem to be more than enough for them to care about. So what the hell were I doing in a Facebook group for Turkish-Hungarian friendship in the first place?

Okay, it was all because of the Gezi park story. It just suddenly made me so deeply fascinated with Turkey! I'm not the conspiracist idiot researching Hungarian pre-history in his free time with other conspiracist idiots, that's a sure thing. I never really gave a fuck. But I already had a very positive attitude because I met some Turkish guys on my foreign scholarship and I always liked Atatürk big time and I heard many good things in general, but then came these events and I really just fell in love with the whole place. Suddenly I started thinking there might be something to all that right-wing bollocks about these two nations being ethnically related, plus I also knew their political situation was very similar to ours. They do have a government full of paranoid gangsters who overthrew a bunch of corrupt and impotent technocrats. It's the same story!

And this is why I thought it would be a good idea to join this Facebook group. I thought I might get to know interesting things about Turkey or I might even meet some Turks living here. In the great excitement I even posted two inane word jokes which can only be understood with a profound knowledge of Hungarian language and Turkish geography, but still I managed to get a like. Isn't that just wonderful? Pretty soon, however, I just got less interested because there were other things in my life which I had to care about and the group wall was full of pointless kitsch and truckloads of Hungarian nationalism. So I just got less interested, but then came the real shit: a few weeks later I saw a poster saying "Szeklerland is not Romania!" in Hungarian and Turkish, with a map of Romania and Transylvania inside, on my wall. Previously I disabled all notifications after growing weary of their stupid kitsch, but still it was there and I just said to myself: What the holy fuck? What is this stupid shit doing on my wall? I guess I decided to figure it out later because the very next day I saw something even worse: two articles discussing Jobbik in Turkish. That's when all hell just broke loose. I started writing my usual comments and the rest is history...

Me: Nazism has never done any good to inter-ethnic friendship. Jobbik is a bunch of oldschool street nazis pimped up by parliamentary salaries, so now they can snort cocaine instead of rapid glue.

And no, I'm not afraid of them! They are too retarded to make any big trouble, so I would rather say I'm just plain disgusted of them. And I really don't like seeing their stuff on my wall.

Jobbik MP: It's not true, Daniel. It's oldschool political propaganda. Fortunately, lot of people in this page know what is Jobbik, Turks and Hungarians, too. Of course, you are free to share your strange views. :) Selam.

Me: Yeah dude, anti-fascism is oldschool. We [Hungarians] didn't like it back in the 30's either. Their rethoric, their symbology, their uniforms, their everything is exactly the same as that of nazis during the second world war. That's it.

If it walks and quacks like a duck, that means it's a duck.

Jobbik MP: I think you should see the reality not only political brochures. I'm an MP of Jobbik and don't have any connections with these ideologies. It's a leftist political propaganda. But how that is even in this page? It's not a Hyde park about Hungarian domestic politics. I think there are enough raging cages for this ideological and political debates.

Note: My first statement was indeed not completely accurate because it's just a part of the leadership who used to be street thugs on disco drugs and they were only promoted to collect the votes of those street thugs who are still on disco drugs. The majority of their leaders used to be spoiled rich students of history or political science or law. The name of the party was originally an acronym for "Jobboldali Ifjúsági Közösség" which means "Community of Right-wing Youth" because they used to be a student fraternity. As more and more of their leaders were approaching graduation but still not managing to secure positions in the youth wing of Fidesz, they decided to turn the whole thing into a political party so they could live off the national budget instead of their parents.

Jobbik MP: This page is about the Hungarian-Turkish friendship and brotherhodd. And either you like or don't, Jobbik is the most enthusiastic supporter of the friendship and brotherhood of the two nations. Türk ve Macar kardestir.

Me: If you don't like anti-fascist disturbances, don't be fascists. It's that simple.

Jobbik MP: You're really funny guy. :D

Me: Fuck off and die, you nazi piece of shit!

Jobbik MP: I don't care about neither fascist or antifascist blurb. They're anacronism.

Note: Regarding the industrialized mass murder of ten million people as a little piece of anachronism is a bit rich. By the way, it's spelled with an H after the C.

Jobbik MP: Long live the tolerance! :)

Me: You are destroying my country as we speak. That's the problem. I don't like my country being destroyed. Especially not by nazi thugs payed by the Russian mob and the government of Iran.

Jobbik MP: You lost your argues so you use rude insults. It's about you, not me, young man.

Me: Shut the fuck up and die :D

Jobbik MP: You're more than funny. :)

Me: I'd much rather be funny than a disgusting piece of fascist vermin.

Jobbik MP: You share all of the false stereotypes. I think you shoul read and experience more. You have time to develop sophisticatad way of thinking. Without hate and bias.

Me: You're only saying this nice pep talk because you're a parliamentarian. If you would see me on the street, you would just beat the shit out of me with your henchmen. You're the wolf wearing the sheep's skin.

Jobbik MP: Because of your rude insults I close my debate with you. I think there are presentable people in this page not as you.

As I said, you're a funny guy. And a little bit 'strange'. Please, call your doctor.

Me: Yeah? Well, I close it because you cannot write proper English sentences, you moron! For example, "presentable people not as you" would give a hard time even to an Oxford student.

Jobbik MP: Poor guy...

Me: Still better than a nazi.

Jobbik MP: LOL! If I'm a 'nazi', you're a communist. So simple. :P

Note: As a matter of fact, I am a Communist. No hard feelings there!

Hungarian nazi: (translated) What the hell does the politically extremist hysteria of mister Daniel Marton has to do with Turkish-Hungarian friendship?

Admin: (translated) How did this imperfect end up in here? Does he even realize who he's speaking to in this tone?

Me: Extremist? Oh, I love that word! The fact that you use it in the very same way and context as corrupt neo-liberal politicians do, it just proves how deeply corrupt and close-minded you also are. I didn't say a fucking word about Jobbik being extreme. Jobbik is a totally opportunistic party. Even Hitler started killing Jews simply because he was afraid of actually reforming German society. This is why he looked for scapegoats instead, so that the people could boil off the steam on them. This same attitude is driving Jobbik to hate the gypsies.

Oh, and what the fuck does Jobbik has to do with Turkish-Hungarian friendship? Or should I rather say Jobbik-MHP friendship instead?

Admin: (tran) 1. MHP does not have relations, they terminated those which existed before. 2. If you don't like the vibes here, there's lots of room outside, no one forces you to be here, it's not violence.

Me: Okay! Thanks for the guidance, this has indeed pretty much turned me off this friendship thing. Otherwise it would be really great, but this way it's not that much so. If you get into pigwash, you are eaten by the pigs.

Admin: (tran) Believe me, neither you nor us are in need of this. PEACE! :D

Or I can also say hoşcakal, i.e. may we never see each other again ;)

[Au pas-revoir, Auf Niewiedersehen, etc.]

Note: The Turkish word simply means "goodbye".

Jobbik MP: (tran) There are some people who cannot discard their political and ideological differences when it comes to the friendship of nations. As the chairman of the Committee for Turkish-Hungarian friendship, I have always paid homage to those Conservative or Christian Democratic or even in some cases neo-liberal politicians who did anything good to the friendship between these two great nations. Others seem to find this very hard to do. That's life.

Note: At this point I already left the group, so I couldn't reply.

Jobbik MP: (tran) You can learn many great things from the Turks. For example, they don't take their ideological differences abroad. I've never seen a representative of CHP or MHP or even AKP slandering a rival politician in front of Hungarians. I think they are feeling very sorry for us now. I trust that the future belongs to the men of peace and not those who regard strife as the meaning of their life.

Kemalist woman: You are wrong. sayın Tamas .!! You'd be surprised if you see in Turkey, the political fights

Jobbik MP: I see the political fights. But neither of the Turks run to abroad to complain.

Note: Turkish protesters have crowdfunded $100000 for a full page ad in the New York Times to "run to abroad" and complain. I'm pretty sure they could have used the money to buy gas masks and antacid spray as well. I might also recall how opposition politicians greeted the harsh criticism of their government from the US ambassador with a thundering applause, or a Turkish friend of mine touring Eastern Europe with a "DIREN!" sign (which means "RESIST!" in her beautiful language).

Holy fucking shit! Okay, buckle up for the end scene...

Admin: (tran) This is a man you can do nothing with! There's a point after which there cannot be any constructive debate because the partner is not even willing to negotiate. If he would really feel for Turkish-Hungarian friendship, he must have recognized the positive contributions of Jobbik, but he embarked on some pathetic hate speech instead (which none of us are into). The visit of Viktor Orbán to Kazakhstan in May was the beginning of a new era for which we have to thank the perseverent and constructive work of patriotic forces.

Note: I must assume those happy little piggies had some great fun with the wash!